Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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