I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize