How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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