I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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