rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize