It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize