I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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