it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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