I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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