my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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