She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize