I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
smell my finger.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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