Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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