My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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