You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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