I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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