Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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