I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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