How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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