We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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