I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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