I'm so fucking centered right now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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