One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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