they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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