and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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