Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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