there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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