she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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