When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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