i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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