I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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