Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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