I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize