wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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