like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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