Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A bitchslap is in order.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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