While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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