That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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