Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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