good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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