if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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