you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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