he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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