so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize