I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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