After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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