but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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