I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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