I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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