its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize