Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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